Worst weekend ever

Last week was a grumpy, moody week for me. I felt drained and exhausted all week. On Friday my nose was super stuffy, but I chalked it up to allergies since I've been pet sitting a friend's cat this week and I'm pretty allergic to cats. I went to work at church Friday evening and really had some sinus pressure starting. By the end of the night, I had a gnarly sinus headache to go along with it. I got home around 9:30 or a little after and went straight to bed.

By midnight, I was up and on the couch. I had a terrible sore throat, couldn't breathe through my nose at all, had a horrible sinus headache and a fever. Sleeping on and off for about 20 min at a time made for a very long night. Saturday instead of feeling better, I continued to get worse. I added nausea to my list of symptoms and stayed quarantined in my room all day so as not to expose the boys. By about 7:00 Sat evening, I knew I had to get some medicine. I had taken Tylenol to help with the fever but was afraid to take anything else in case I was pregnant. Even with the Tylenol, my fever stayed at around 104 throughout the day. I was going to send Andrew out to feed the aforementioned cat when I decided to have him drop me off at Urgent Care on the way. I was weak, shaky, dizzy and didn't think I could drive myself so he dropped me off on the way. After a flu test and strep test, it came back positive for strep throat. They sent me home with antibiotics that are safe to take during pregnancy and told me I wouldn't be contagious after 24 hours on antibiotics and that my symptoms should subside by Monday. Andrew came and picked me up and as soon as I got home and walked in the door, I threw up. That just added insult to injury as I hate throwing up more than ANYTHING! So I went back to bed and Andrew slept on the couch. It was a long, uncomfortable night and I was so thankful to have had a ton of stuff recorded on the DVR that we hadn't had time to watch yet. There is no quality programming on basic cable at 3AM. I slept sporadically between hot flashes, night sweats, getting the chills, body aches and of course blowing my nose every 30 seconds. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch on Friday but was trying to sip water to stay hydrated and at least have enough urine to take my pregnancy test this morning.

At 7:30 this morning, I could wait no longer and took the pregnancy test. Negative. Again. I seriously don't understand how this is not working. I am so disappointed, saddened and tired. We have spent sooo much money trying to have a second baby over the last 2 years and we keep getting the same result: not pregnant. I wanted to hurl that stupid test out the window. I went back to bed, not even waking Andrew who was again sleeping on the couch, and cried a little bit. I was so sick and so tired this morning from the strep and lack of sleep the last 2 nights, I didn't even have the energy to cry much. So I didn't take my progesterone this morning and low and behold, I already started my period.

We've decided to give it one last shot and use the little bit of money we have saved for a car to go for it again. Since I already started my period, the next cycle has begun which means I will have no down time in between. I will call the Dr first thing tomorrow morning and they will give me instructions on how much medication to take and when to start it. I'm guessing they'll double the dose of Bravelle from the get go this time, which means it will be $100 a day for the duration of that medication. This month is going to cost even more than last month =( It's all just so depressing. Maybe I'm just being a negative nelly since I've felt so terrible all weekend, who knows. What I do know is that I'm still grumpy.

All I am left wondering is "God, what is Your plan for our family?"