Wednesday morning, April 21, 2010 I had my first IUI. Andrew went with me this time and I was super nervous. I have had so many bumps in the road on this journey to a 2nd child that I just couldn't get myself to relax.
We checked in upstairs and were sent down to Andrology to get our donor sample. We got all the numbers, 51 million sperm in the sample, 47% motility and a 2-3+ post prep rate which meant they were really fast at forward motion...a good thing. So after signing the release papers and going over the numbers, we carried the tiny vial of donor sperm back upstairs to the waiting room in a little red canvas zipper bag. A few minutes later my name was called and we went back into the ultrasound room where I've been many times before. After getting undressed and assuming the position, Helen (Dr. Surrey's other nurse) came in. As she prepared everything, the room was uncomfortably quiet. I struggled to try and remain calm and get my nerves under control. I wasn't having much luck with that. When she was finally ready, I was just about at my breaking point.
She inserted the speculum and started the hunt for my ever elusive cervix. Not surprisingly, she couldn't find it. So she removed the speculum and tried with a bigger one. She continued looking and apologized for the discomfort. The physical discomfort combined with my frazzled nerves was not a good combination. I struggled to breathe deeply and tried to relax, failing miserably at both. Once she found the opening to my cervix she then inserted the catheter. After a few minutes Helen explained that she needed to get the catheter into my uterus at a specific angle to "get it in just the right spot." Apparently that also proved to be a little difficult for her. By this time tears were forming in my eyes and although they were tightly shut, they escaped and rolled down my face. Horrified and embarrassed that I was crying, I desperately tried to hide my breach of emotion. I managed to pull myself together by the time the procedure was complete and then gingerly got dressed. I had pretty strong cramps and was not feeling good at all. We headed out to the car with instructions to call for a blood test to check my progesterone levels in 7 - 10 days and then a pregnancy test in 2 weeks. The worst was over.
I made it to the car before I dissolved into tears. I can't really tell you why I was crying. Yes, there was some physical pain but it wasn't as bad as some of the other things I've endured lately. I think it was physical pain plus emotional turmoil and a huge dose of nerves. I really hope that I'm pregnant as a sit here and type this. There are so many factors that play into this feeling: financial, emotional, physical....I just don't want to have to do this again!
I know this is redundant and I've said this many times, but I just have to remain focused on the positive, the end result. This will all be worth it when our family of 3 becomes a family of 4 and we can welcome a new baby into the Cipolla family. I just need to hang in there until that point and focus on that.
