Baby # 2 - attempt # 4

This morning we had our first appointment of this next round of fertility fun and wow, let me just saw the roller coaster ride has begun!  I woke up this morning with a terrible headache and literally felt sick to my stomach.  I was nauseous all morning and thought I was going to throw up.  I guess it must have been nerves that I wasn't aware I even had, but man, it was crazy!  I felt terrible. I picked Andrew up from work, dropped Greg off at his friend's house for a play date and we headed to CCRM (Colorado Center for Reproductive Medicine).

We had two things on the agenda for this morning; an IUI consult with our new nurse Kathryn who is AMAZING, and a re-group with Dr. Surrey.  Today was day 4 of my cycle and we've been through all of this before so we weren't expecting to hear anything we didn't know.  I knew I wanted to try and inseminate this month, but wasn't expecting to hit the ground running quite as fast as we did!

Our IUI consult with Kathryn was pretty standard - all of the information was pretty much the same as we learned last year at this time when we were going through this process.  The only difference was Kathryn.  She is amazing, informative, friendly and warm; a stark contrast from the nurses I've dealt with in the past.  I am so glad to get to work with her this time around!  It will make me feel that much more comfortable knowing that I can call her for anything I need.  The other nurses (Rachel and Helen) I felt were cold, uncaring, unorganized and had zero personality.  I was very disappointed with them but and super excited about my new nurse and have a very good feeling about working with Kathryn this time around!

After our IUI consult, we headed across the hall for our re-group with Dr. Surrey.  Again, we felt like this was going to be a waste of time and money since we've been through all this before and already have a game plan in our heads. We have already decided that this was the last go around.  If these last 3 attempts don't work, we're going to accept things and get on with our lives.  We were pleasantly surprised though, as the meeting proved to be very informative and encouraging.  Dr. Surrey suggested taking a much more aggressive approach this time, prescribing Brevelle (an IVF med) instead of just giving me Chlomed again.  We are very hopeful that taking Brevelle will really increase our chances of success.  The only downfall is the price.  Chlomed is now available in generic form and we would be able to get those pills for around $20 -$30 per cycle (per month).  Brevelle is an injection that will cost us $51 per shot!  With a minimum of 4 -5 shots per cycle, depending on how things look on my ultrasounds, this is going to get VERY expensive.  Each ultrasound costs $170 so this bill is going to escalate from the hundreds of dollars to the thousands of dollars range pretty quickly.    Two days into this next round of fertility fun, we've spent $573 just on blood tests and shipping costs. I ordered my trigger shot from the pharmacy today which was another $95 (for 1 shot) and have ordered the Brevelle from a different pharmacy, which is being shipped overnight so I can begin taking that tomorrow.  For 4 doses of Brevelle, that will add another $230 to our tab for this week, bringing the grand total to $898 (in 2 days).  Add another $170 tomorrow for the ultrasound and we're at $1068.  See how quickly things add up?  That's a lot of cash to spend in only a few days and man is it stressful.  Hopefully, this time around we'll get pregnant on the first try and not have to repeat this for 3 consecutive months...

Ugh - why does everything have to revolve around money?  Any crazy drug addict or alcoholic can get pregnant at the drop of the hat and bring a child into this world under horrible conditions and in a terrible home environment.  We, on the other hand, would love to add to our family and would provide a loving, wonderful home to a child.  Yet, after spending tens of thousands of dollars, we're still a family of three and I just can't help but slip into the "Life is so unfair" frame of mind occasionally. Don't get me wrong, we are completely and totally fulfilled with just having Greg as a son.  He brings more joy to our lives than we could have ever imagined.  Greg is truly a perfect child.  He is loving and sensitive, healthy and beautiful. He has such a gentle spirit and is the most amazing little boy! But he would LOVE to have a sibling and would LOVE to be a big brother.  I have such a hard time fighting the urge to complain sometimes about how unfair things seem.  But I have to rely on the Lord and trust in Him that His plan for our family is good and perfect, no matter the outcome.  We are prepared, yet again, to spend every dollar we have saved and pour every ounce of our time, energy and emotions into this process, hoping and praying for the best.  Only time will tell what God's plan for us is, but in the mean time as we buckle our seat belts on this fertility roller coaster, we're going to get crazy busy with Dr appointments and just try to remain focused on God through everything, staying vigilant in prayer and remaining faithful to the One who sees the bigger picture and has a perfect plan for our lives.  We are so unbelievably blessed and we've already received one miracle: we have Greg!

Next step: ultrasound tomorrow morning at 7:45 am to check my ovaries and make sure there are no pesky cysts or any other issues that could cause problems.  Then tomorrow night, I'll begin the Breville injections and Sunday morning at 7:15 am I'll be back at the Dr for another ultrasound to check my follicles and more blood work to see when we might trigger.  Sticking with the roller coaster analogy, today was the slow start, inching our way up the steep grade, anticipating the moment when we reach the top and look down.  Moments later, the roller coaster teeters over the top of the hill and with the weight of the other cars pushing it from behind, it rolls forward and drops, gaining speed as it races down the hill, accelerating toward the next twist and turn.  Tomorrow morning will be our drop.  Then, the race with the clock begins as we count down toward ovulation and pray there are no road blocks along the way.  Please pray for us throughout this process.  Anyone who has experienced infertility issues will tell you:  this is a tough ride.  It's hard on your bank account, your emotions and your body.  But I'm up for the challenge and I look forward to the future with hope and optimism.