The dreaded HSG

Today I went to the hospital for the dreaded HSG. The HSG is a test ordered by my fertility Dr to make sure that all is well with my female parts. I checked in to the hospital and was admitted to Radiology. Once in the room, I got to strip down and slip on the oh-so-sexy hospital gown. Then, the procedure began. Unfortunately, what should've taken 10 minutes took much, much longer.

Problem #1...the tech couldn't find my cervix. She hunted and searched with the cold, metal speculum but didn't have much success. After thinking she'd found it, she tried inserting the catheter and balloon but when they wouldn't go any further, she discovered that my cervix had alluded her again. After 4 attempts and re-adjustments of the speculum, she finally found it! "Joy," I thought, "she's found it so now we can move on and get this over with."

Problem #2....With the speculum in the correct place, she inserted the catheter and inflated the balloon which made me start cramping. With my discomfort increasing, I gritted my teeth and tried to hide the pain on my face while the 3 techs worked. To my dismay, the balloon apparently wouldn't stay in the appropriate place so Astrid, the tech performing the HSG, explained she'd have to deflate the balloon and move it all the way up into my uterus. Great, just what I wanted to hear.

With my cramping becoming more and more painful and my legs starting to shake in the stirrups, I endured another placement of the catheter and balloon inflation. Not fun, not fun at all. Finally, with all the necessary equipment in place, the placed the huge xray machine over my torso and injected the dye through the catheter. More cramping. After dye and oil injections and rolling side to side on the table, I got the good news....my fallopian tubes looked totally clear. Whew.

The balloon was deflated, catheter and speculum removed and I sat up on a pile of towels. Yes, my dignity was once again obliterated. I waddled to the bathroom to collect my clothes and the tech called after me saying, "There's a washcloth and a towel in the bathroom for you to clean up with, the dye can be quite sticky." Gross! As I collected the hospital pad and clean up materials, I was constantly having to remind myself that this will ultimately all be compensated for when we have our 2nd baby and are able to give Greggy a sibling. Being a woman totally sucks sometimes but having to endure all of these horrible, humiliating tests just makes me appreciate my babies more.

So now that I've survived both the hysteroscopy and the HSG, one more big hurdle to go: the operative hysteroscopy on Friday. In 2 days, I'll be going in for my pre-op, which will include the Dr putting a stick of seaweed in my cervix to get it to dilate and leaving it there until the surgery (soooo not looking forward to that). Then the next day I'll be undergoing the surgery. At least I'll have general anesthesia for that one! If I make it through that and survive the post op stuff (3 - 5 days with another catheter and a balloon inflated with saline in my uterus so my uterine walls don't collapse), then I should be in the clear for at least 1 month with no one invading my private parts!!

Did I mention that being a woman really sucks sometimes? Ugh. The things we do for our children....sometimes before they're even born!